Well thank fuck for that. Tony’s got his historic third term and we’ll all be waiting for MH’s resignation some time soon. Appropriately this clown who’s been blogging on his behalf resigned yesterday.

Spent the night with Tony – thought the acceptance speech I wrote for him was excellent. Pretty downbeat which suited the mood and we didn’t want him to appear too smug. Now it’s over though will have time to start concentrating on other things like running and rugby although I’m sure they’ve not seen the last of me at Westminster.

Oh and one last thing - Happy birthday Mr President!

Quick final lunch with Tony. And just time to remind you. Have you voted yet? If you haven’t get out there and make your mark for Tony. It is his birthday tomorrow and we don’t want an idiot like MH spoiling it for him.

Polls close at ten o’clock tonight – and if you’ve already voted why not start ringing up your mates and persuading them to vote. Don’t be too heavy handed with them or threaten to send JP round. Just a gentle reminder that we’d all rather be waking up with Tony than MH tomorrow morning.

Right – well you know what you have to do today if you haven’t already. Get out there, use your vote and vote for Tony. If you were thinking of being a bloody clever twat and voting for CK you may as well just vote for MH. Don’t. Vote Labour so that Tony gets his third term.

Last day of campaigning with Tony and Gordon yesterday went well. Still important to show them as a team and funny that the press think that we’re only doing that because GB is going to be next PM. No fucking chance while I’m about.

Just sent an email from Alan Milburn – taking forever to go out. Really cannot be doing with new technology. Even MH has got hold of some computer programme to help him identify just the voters he needs to target in marginal seats. Never heard such a load of bollocks. With just two days to go he really should be spending time looking for a new job rather than wasting time on unreliable technology.

He’s not even asking them to vote Conservative as he knows he’s got no fucking chance! Just trying to make it personal against Tony which as I’ve said before is dangerous. The Tories could get in by the back door that way. Is that something that you want?

Can’t wait till Thursday – no more having to deal with that Aussie idiot and even better no more having to get up to listen to Today.

Some twat has nicked the custom made bike that I was meant to be using in the Triathlon. So if anyone has the slightest bit of a conscience please do me a favour and give it back. It’s covered with Leukaemia Research branding and you’ll never get the full market value if you try to sell it. And don’t worry, if you do confess I won’t be sending JP round to rough you up.

While trying to get stuck into one of the most important speeches that Tony ever has to deliver Fiona has pointed out to me that Channel 4 is showing The Full Monty on Election night. She’s only done this because she knows it’s one of the few films that make me cry. Thanks Fi. It’s a fucking shame they’re not showing it the day before as it would be a stark reminder of what the last Tory government did to this country and the mess Thatcher left it in. Good thing we have Tony to steer us through the next five years.

Taking a break from writing some speeches for Tony. Not been the best bloody week. First the leak and misrepresentation of my memo, then Tony being forced to release legal advice relating to the war and if that wasn’t enough put under all that pressure by Dimbleby and the GP. Good thing people just don’t trust MH.

However, must look forward, not back. To Tony’s double celebration next Friday of course. It’s also his birthday.

One positive thing to note – Piers Morgan’s book of fairy tales has finally been knocked off the top of the bestseller list. Who bought and read the fucking thing? Must need their heads examining.

Bloody great to see that the Tories are so wound up that they have changed not only their fucking pathetic slogan but their whole campaign tactic with only 10 days to go. Although, not complacent MH really shot himself in the foot with his two nil analogy and hopefully confused the hell out of most people.

Of course being a Liverpool supporter I’m sure there’s nothing more he enjoys than seeing The Reds win.