Alastair Campbell

2005-05-06T08:22:00.000Z

Well thank fuck for that. Tony’s got his historic third term and we’ll all be waiting for MH’s resignation some time soon. Appropriately this clown who’s been blogging on his behalf resigned yesterday.

Spent the night with Tony – thought the acceptance speech I wrote for him was excellent. Pretty downbeat which suited the mood and we didn’t want him to appear too smug. Now it’s over though will have time to start concentrating on other things like running and rugby although I’m sure they’ve not seen the last of me at Westminster.

Oh and one last thing - Happy birthday Mr President!

2005-05-05T14:04:00.000Z

Quick final lunch with Tony. And just time to remind you. Have you voted yet? If you haven’t get out there and make your mark for Tony. It is his birthday tomorrow and we don’t want an idiot like MH spoiling it for him.

Polls close at ten o’clock tonight – and if you’ve already voted why not start ringing up your mates and persuading them to vote. Don’t be too heavy handed with them or threaten to send JP round. Just a gentle reminder that we’d all rather be waking up with Tony than MH tomorrow morning.

2005-05-05T08:37:00.000Z

Right – well you know what you have to do today if you haven’t already. Get out there, use your vote and vote for Tony. If you were thinking of being a bloody clever twat and voting for CK you may as well just vote for MH. Don’t. Vote Labour so that Tony gets his third term.

Last day of campaigning with Tony and Gordon yesterday went well. Still important to show them as a team and funny that the press think that we’re only doing that because GB is going to be next PM. No fucking chance while I’m about.

2005-05-03T15:25:00.000Z

Just sent an email from Alan Milburn – taking forever to go out. Really cannot be doing with new technology. Even MH has got hold of some computer programme to help him identify just the voters he needs to target in marginal seats. Never heard such a load of bollocks. With just two days to go he really should be spending time looking for a new job rather than wasting time on unreliable technology.

He’s not even asking them to vote Conservative as he knows he’s got no fucking chance! Just trying to make it personal against Tony which as I’ve said before is dangerous. The Tories could get in by the back door that way. Is that something that you want?

Can’t wait till Thursday – no more having to deal with that Aussie idiot and even better no more having to get up to listen to Today.

2005-05-02T14:28:00.000Z

Some twat has nicked the custom made bike that I was meant to be using in the Triathlon. So if anyone has the slightest bit of a conscience please do me a favour and give it back. It’s covered with Leukaemia Research branding and you’ll never get the full market value if you try to sell it. And don’t worry, if you do confess I won’t be sending JP round to rough you up.

2005-05-01T14:06:00.000Z

While trying to get stuck into one of the most important speeches that Tony ever has to deliver Fiona has pointed out to me that Channel 4 is showing The Full Monty on Election night. She’s only done this because she knows it’s one of the few films that make me cry. Thanks Fi. It’s a fucking shame they’re not showing it the day before as it would be a stark reminder of what the last Tory government did to this country and the mess Thatcher left it in. Good thing we have Tony to steer us through the next five years.

2005-04-30T11:40:00.000Z

Taking a break from writing some speeches for Tony. Not been the best bloody week. First the leak and misrepresentation of my memo, then Tony being forced to release legal advice relating to the war and if that wasn’t enough put under all that pressure by Dimbleby and the GP. Good thing people just don’t trust MH.

However, must look forward, not back. To Tony’s double celebration next Friday of course. It’s also his birthday.

One positive thing to note – Piers Morgan’s book of fairy tales has finally been knocked off the top of the bestseller list. Who bought and read the fucking thing? Must need their heads examining.

2005-04-26T08:06:00.000Z

Bloody great to see that the Tories are so wound up that they have changed not only their fucking pathetic slogan but their whole campaign tactic with only 10 days to go. Although, not complacent MH really shot himself in the foot with his two nil analogy and hopefully confused the hell out of most people.

Of course being a Liverpool supporter I’m sure there’s nothing more he enjoys than seeing The Reds win.

2005-04-25T07:59:00.000Z

Old Vic yesterday for a rally to mark World Poverty Day. Good day even though crowd full of usual bloody liggers. Of course Tony and GB were there to speak as was Bill Clinton – though this time I didn’t write his speech for him! But I did for Tony and GB who both had the crowd laughing and crying. Hope that will now put that bloody memo leak to bed.

2005-04-24T12:51:00.000Z

The Sunday Times have totally misrepresented me over the memo I sent out yesterday. Have been busy all morning trying to sort out the mess. We are not complacent – there is still a lot of fucking hard work to be done over the next 10 days. We are worried about turnout and the Tories focusing on marginal seats. Will be having some serious words with those idiot hacks at The Sunday Times.

You can read my whole memo here.

TB has asked me to set out a campaign overview as we enter the final full week of the campaign. Here it is.

Private polling reflects published polling. Lead is stable. TB rating up. MH down. CK failing to make headway. TB-GB joint campaigning has seen our lead on leadership in the economy rise even further, leads on health and education have also risen. When asked “who do you trust to run the country/economy?” we have a growing lead.

So the strategy – root everything in the economy, focus on values/dividing lines in public services – is on track and working.

The overnight tracking polls show we can be confident on asylum and immigration. TB’s speech had huge awareness and he seems to have got the balance right, between action on the one hand, tolerance on the other. In the focus groups, there are now signs of a negative halo effect for Howard ie when the Tories focus on asylum and immigration it has the effect of skewing the perception of the party to the Right and turns off centrist voters.

People are beginning to ask if MH ever talks about anything else. Men in particular have begun to notice MH never speaks on the economy. People are beginning to compare him negatively with Mrs Thatcher (and even with John Major!) His nastiness and a sense that he is extreme are now being raised without any prompting.

Asked where to place the Tories on a Right to Left scale of -100 to +100, where 0 is the centre, people placed the Tories at an average of +36 at the start of the campaign, in the last few days that has risen as high as +57, indicating that they have been seen to move sharply to the Right. Labour has moved from -3 to -6, on the same scale. We are now very close to the centre.

This appears to be very good news for us. It means the Tories are increasingly being seen as extreme. It is also clear as per Crosby’s memo in the Guardian, that they are sticking to their “send a message” strategy, rather than going to win, and they are not even putting forward a programme for government.

However, TB is concerned that we understand fully the kind of campaign they are running. Of course we have to say they have vacated the field on the economy, and that they do not have a serious or coherent programme for government. But in terms of their strategy, that misses the point. They are fighting a different sort of campaign, focusing ruthlessly on the marginals, targeting specific voters with specific messages designed to arouse fear and grievance. It is, as TB has said, nasty and unscrupulous, but it still has the capacity to be effective in some parts of the country. So the big national poll leads do not matter. What matters is that we understand the nature of their campaign, expose it, and fight it very hard on the ground, by making sure our messages and policies are heard, and theirs rebutted. We have gathered a good deal of their local material which will allow us to continue to expose what they are up to through the week. It is a deliberately sneaky strategy which once fully exposed will damage them.

Allied to this, we need to build on the argument that just as voters used to punish us in the 80s because we failed to listen, and because of the nature of our campaigns, so the public should see this election as an opportunity not just to support us, but to punish them, send them a message that they deserve to lose and need to go away, rethink, start compromising with an electorate that has moved on from the Thatcher years.

TURNOUT:

TB is anxious that we understand fully the implication of the analysis PG presented on turnout yesterday. The reality is, as we succeed in our attacks on the Tories, and as Howard becomes more and more visible, we rise in the polls, which then has a direct and immediate impact on the prospects for turnout.

Among certain groups, there has been a sharp decline in certainty to vote in the last week. Certainty to vote for Labour has dropped by around 7% and among the people who are most strongly aligned with us on issues such as health and education, the drop has been bigger. This has little or nothing to do with apathy or disillusion. It is more that if the poll lead widens, they feel sure we are going to win and less compelled to vote. This again plays into Crosby’s Queensland strategy.

In summary, we are very well positioned in the debate but there is a strong risk low turnout could hit us very hard, indeed. So far we have been engaged in making and winning arguments. This job is largely done. Next week, we will be back on the economy, TB-GB, dividing lines in public services. The arguments keep going but we will be shifting to a greater emphasis on the importance of voting. We have new posters planned for today, on schools and hospitals, with the slogan, “If you value it, vote for it.”

We have an economic version planned for Monday’s TB-JP-GB cities event. We then get up the choice on public services, tax credits, before launching the business manifesto to get another day on the economy. It’s pretty simple: when we are on the economy, we win the arguments. But we now need to inject a greater sense of this being about values every bit as much as competence - with a real focus on the importance of voting, moving eventually to the line that if people stay at home, or go with the Lib Dems, they will wake up with Howard.

The rest of the campaign should be relentlessly about why voting matters, and we should be focusing on issues which are more likely to convince our supporters to vote. That means the economy, health, education, family tax credits, minimum wage, which every poll has shown to be our singly most popular policy.

Finally, on the Lib Dems, GB is setting out at this morning’s p/c the argument that serious people cannot take the LDs seriously. We know CK is going big on Iraq next week. It is to him what immigration is to Howard. Our answer is two-fold: defend the points on Iraq, on the grounds that if CK’s view had prevailed, Saddam would still be in power. But also point out CK focused on this because his policies on the economy and crime/legalising drugs in particular, are a joke.

2005-04-23T12:41:00.000Z

Have been invited by Burnley directors to their box today so am driving to Nottingham this afternoon. If Forest lose they're going down!!!!

2005-04-21T07:44:00.000Z

Great to see Tony taking my advice and trying to give Jeremy Paxman as good as he gets.
As you’ve probably seen the Tony we’re portraying this time is very different from the fresh-faced “Things Can Only Get Better” Tony from yesteryear. Trying to make him seem more experienced and mature. For a start his hair is going forward, not back!! (Don’t worry – Tony is used to me humiliating him. There was the time in Northern Ireland when I wanted him in bed and stopped him and his entourage going for a quick drink in the pub and then kept them all awake by playing the bagpipes. Or indeed in front of Paxman with the whole issue of Afghanistan’s poppy fields. Still did a better job of stats than CK. Then at least the BBC were on side and had the good grace to put most of the interview on the cutting room floor.)

Talking of sides, my good friend Rebekah Wade has finally done her stuff and come out in support of Tony.
Excellent journalism!! In touch with the people by pretending to sit on the fence till the last minute and then declaring allegiance to Labour just in the nick of time. Howard – you’ve had it sunshine!! Owe Rebekah a nice lunch.

2005-04-20T14:34:00.000Z

With Tony in Leeds. Trying out Starbucks wireless connection while Tony has an impromptu cup of coffee. Then to NHS IT department and later interview with JP.

2005-04-19T10:06:00.000Z

Have just had a bloody big row with the writer of Tony's campaign diary. Some joker has had a lame pop at me which is not fucking funny. David Hill refuses to have it taken down as he says it is important that we show Tony to be in touch with the people. A campaign strategy nicked straight from me please note.

I could tell the minute I arrived at our hotel in Birmingham yesterday that I was not exactly the star attraction. The autograph hunters were there for Kylie who is currently on tour in Britain. It meant I was struggling to get the best out of my team who kept wandering off to join the groupies hanging around for a glimpse of Kylie. My press team were all singing “I'm spinning around.” Only they weren't.

Tony doesn't even like Kylie - much prefers Christina Aguilera.

2005-04-19T07:35:00.000Z

Amused to see the BBC is still terrified of pissing me off. Their new political sitcom, The Thick Of It, has been postponed till after Tony's election.

However, still not happy that it's being shown at all. Armando Iannucci who wrote it, once had the audacity to call Tony weird, and is one of those prats who thinks the world would be better off if Saddam Hussein was still running Iraq. Plus he's had the fucking cheek to base one of the characters on me. When will they learn?

2005-04-18T19:54:00.000Z

News reaches me that Greg Dyke, after 40 years support, is to switch allegiance to Charles Kennedy and his band of merry men. After the way they treated me over the Andrew Gilligan affair should come as no surprise.

However, disappointed that he has turned his back on Tony after the support he has given him over the last number of years. Important now to keep other media types on side.

2005-04-18T08:01:00.000Z

Received an email at the weekend with details of a website that purports to help you make up your mind how to vote at the General Election. Answer a series of questions and you will be advised to vote for either Labour, The Conservatives, Liberal Democrats or (FFS) UKIP or Green Party.
Completed questionnaire and of course returned a resounding and not unexpected answer of Labour. Unfortunately when I sent details to Tony the software seemed to have malfunctioned. No matter how many times he tried to submit his answers it kept giving the same response: that he should vote Conservative. New technology not to be trusted and have fired off rather colourful email to owners of site telling them so.
While waiting to be fixed have devised my own much simpler test to help you decide what to do on May 5th. Just answer the following question and record your result on a piece of paper. (Cannot do clever tick box bollocks.) Then scroll down to find out who you should vote for.

Who do you think should lead Britain for a historic 3rd term in the next parliament?

a) Tony Blair
b) Michael Howard – a man with a Shadow cabinet, but interestingly, no shadow
c) Charles Kennedy – a tired and emotional new father who’s prepared to steal money from his money from his own baby
d) Some faceless, nameless fascist you have never heard of
e) Some faceless, nameless tree-hugger you have never heard of

If you answered a you should vote for Labour
If you answered b, c, d or e you should stay at home and not vote at all.

Alright – just a little joke – would not want to be accused of dirty tricks campaign.

2005-04-17T07:28:00.000Z

Up since 4 am. Couldn't sleep so used time constructively writing to the tossers at the Guardian correcting all the idiotic mistakes they still insist on making. Where do they find these hacks from? Haven't done that for a while and feel much better for doing so.

London Marathon today - Wonder how many of them got sponsorship from George Bush though!

2005-04-15T15:36:00.000Z

Re my post of the 13th – did not mean to piss off Kiwis before I’ve even begun. Supposed to be getting local community on side after all. So therefore, for Kiwi twats, read Kiwi journalist twats. Sure their journalists are just as full of bollocks as all other journalists. Make no apologies for that.

2005-04-15T10:52:00.000Z

And note to Kilroy-Silk and Sean Connery – just fuck off.

2005-04-15T09:33:00.000Z

Starbucks on Victoria Street for some reason has become an unofficial meeting place for General Election strategy chat. Nothing freaks out those Tory twats though more than me pressing my face to the window and directing the universal sign for onanism at them. So far spotted Oliver Letwin, Tim Collins and even Jonathan Marland, their chief fundraiser, wasting money on skinny-decaf-frappe-latte-bollocks-to-go. He'd be better off using the fucking cash to plug the £15 billion hole in their spending plans.
What's wrong with a good old fashioned cup of Yorkshire tea? I must drink at least 10 cups a day and so it's done me no fucking harm. Thank god Tony understands the photo opportunity benefits of a nice cup of tea in a station café in Northampton.

Note to CK. If you took a leaf out of my book and stayed off the booze maybe you wouldn’t stutter so much when answering simple questions regarding your tax policies.
And note to BBC. Stop mentioning Dr fucking Who in your election reports. It’s getting tedious you twats.

2005-04-14T20:33:00.000Z

Britney Spears is pregnant. Hope Fiona isn’t reading this but am devastated!

2005-04-14T08:55:00.000Z

Not that they have any bloody chance but the Liberal Democrats have finally launched their excuse of a campaign. Now that Charles Kennedy’s had a chance to wet his baby’s head. (With a bottle or two no doubt.) What a pile of CRAP. Maybe time to buy some more of those Garbage CDs. Shirley Manson couldn’t have timed her comeback better if I’d engineered it myself.

2005-04-13T23:23:00.000Z

Evening spent at Calum and Rory’s school to open new sports hall with Clive Woodward and answer questions about forthcoming Lions New Zealand tour. Compared to Westminster press lobby piece of fucking cake. Years of practice choosing which questions to take obviously helpful!! Planning to have series of open house sessions in NZ and don’t need any of those Kiwi twats asking awkward questions especially if not doing well on the pitch. Also don’t need a bloody repeat of the Austin Healey/Matt Dawson farce that happened last time round.
Must find some time getting head round trys, conversions, sin bin etc as to be honest know fuck all about rugby. Suppose some would say I know fuck all about politics but haven’t done too badly on that score.

2005-04-12T10:40:00.000Z

Persuaded my good mate Alex Ferguson to sign off a piece I wrote for him for Tony’s campaign diary. If we can’t get the Sun to come down off the fucking fence at least we can get to their readers through the back door and via football managers.

Remember well before the last election that there were rumours (Charlie Whelan was the source I believe) that I’d be out of a job before Tony left No 10 and I might end up working for Alex. How wrong there were! Tony’s still here, I’m still here and Alex is working for me!

Off to The Dorchester. Speaking at the Construction Products Association Annual Lunch.

2005-04-11T22:58:00.000Z

After the Blackberry malarkey though I better show willing and make use of all this new technology. Sent email to Labour activists to remind them what a load of crap the Tory manifesto is. Read as follows:

"The Tory manifesto, the thinnest in history, confirms that the Tories intend to fight a totally negative, small bore campaign focusing on a series of negative messages and without even an attempt to put a positive vision for the future.

The Labour Party can still take nothing for granted,The Tories have a lot more money than we do. They have several newspapers led by the vile (interestingly an anagram of evil) Daily Mail willing to pour out free pro-Howard propaganda and ridiculous anti-Labour bile for them."

Are you thinking what we’re thinking? That they’re a washed up party with a washed up leader? Course you bloody are.

2005-04-10T22:37:00.000Z

No doubt you’ve all seen Anthony Minghella’s marvellous job of portraying GB and Tony as good friends and colleagues. Important that Tony’s unbelievers think GB has a chance after the election to lead the country so come May 5th they vote the right way and get Tony his 3rd term. Going to annoy the pants of journalists tomorrow by getting the lazy arses out of bed for a press conference at 7.20 am.

2005-04-10T13:38:00.000Z

Bloody archaic formality of Tony being adopted by Sedgefield Consistuency Labour Party. Could have done without tearing all the way up there. Some joker asked Tony what would happen if his nomination was rejected to which his agent gave the perfectly scripted answer that there’d be a bit of problem as the literature is already printed. Bit of a problem? Fucking outrageous problem.

2005-04-08T15:03:00.000Z

First time in ages had some time to myself – Fiona was out, the kids were at school and Tony was in Rome – so went for a run and then treated myself and got the bagpipes out. The kids hate me playing. Is really disappointing that none of them is interested. Love to bore them with stories of me busking around Europe when I used to get local journalists pissed so they’d write about me. Even played at David Miliband’s wedding. He knows who to appreciate in order to get ahead.

2005-04-07T11:15:00.000Z

Could really have done without all the bloody fuss this weekend. However, will be good publicity for Tony to be seen with all the world’s leaders at the Pope’s funeral doing what he does best. Pictures are bound to be of him and Cherie with George rather than MD, CK or any of the other European idiots. Remind people how important he is.

Then back for the wedding which turns into more and more of a farce. Couldn’t help but laugh when I read about the Sun’s bomb stunt!! God knows why we need a Royal family anyway. Certainly not when we have great leaders like Tony. And Fiona and I have been perfectly happy without the need for marriage. Can’t understand why they asked for my advice and then didn’t take it. Maybe they wouldn’t have ended up in this mess that they’re in now.

Will spend a couple of days getting my head together for when the real hard work starts next week. Tony has a lot of local radio interviews lined up and I need to get him some bloody good sound bites. Sick of the press giving the fucking Tories decent headlines.

2005-04-07T08:39:00.000Z

Poster campaign launched today. Compares GB with Letwin but more importantly Tony with MH. Do you really want the person who dreamt up the poll tax running the country?

2005-04-06T09:20:00.000Z

Have obviously had a very busy few days, hence no posts.

However, you now know what you have to do to get Tony his third term. Don’t listen to all the bollocks from MH and focus on what is important. You are the boss after all.

Just need to get the next weekend out of the way so that the press can really start concentrating on us. Will endeavour to make more of an effort and keep you up to date with how things are going.

2005-03-31T12:55:00.000Z

Just out of a Cabinet meeting. Later have important strategy briefing. Busy few days ahead.

2005-03-31T08:57:00.000Z

Nice weather means can get out and play a few rounds of golf with David Mills. (Tessa Jowell’s husband) Must congratulate her on the great hatchet job she did on the BBC by the way. Sorry it’s belated Tess!

Amazing after everything that’s happened they can’t even keep private emails to themselves. First mine, then the v amusing exchange leaked last week. The fucking organisation really has had it. Crowing about making money on the back of Dr Who? Is that the best they can come up with? Bet Paxman is having a fucking laugh.

Notice the press pretty much skated over mine whereas Mark Thompson is still being hung out to dry. Mind you should imagine working in that place dealing with wanker journalists day in day out is enough to drive anyone to violence/madness. I should fucking know.

2005-03-30T14:10:00.000Z

Be sure to watch Tony’s interview on Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway on ITV this weekend. He desperately needs a break from all the heavy political questions he’s been getting asked recently over education, health, crime and of course the war so we thought this was a good plan. Been told Little Ant and Dec are very funny and it will be nice to see Tony in relaxed mood being his usual down to earth self.

2005-03-30T08:24:00.000Z

Someone has sent me an email asking what my favourite book is and which book I’d take to a desert island.

Unfortunately over the past few years I have had very little time to read as much as I would like to apart from my sporting heroes' biographies. However, there is an excellent book called Threads of Life by Flora McDonnell that I would highly recommend to anyone who is suffering from depression or knows someone who is suffering from depression or who is simply looking for some inspiration in life. It is the kind of book that I needed when I was ill.

Although I did contribute a chapter the most inspiring are the thoughts of those from the more normal side of life. A truly great book.

EDIT: As kindly pointed out the above book is in fact Threads of Hope.

2005-03-29T09:24:00.000Z

Quiet Easter break before we get down to it. Laughable this whole Howard Flight business too. The Tories have been caught with their pants down blatantly lying – exposed by one of their own!! And now they are desperately trying to blame us for spying on them! Apparently they’ve even swept their HQ for bugs and believe there have been sleepers in the place over the last couple of years. Been watching to much Spooks I think. As if I’d ever authorise anything like that …

2005-03-26T21:37:00.000Z

Up to Fife with the family for a meeting with Gordon Brown and Ed Balls to sort out exactly where GB is going to stand in this campaign. All in all a pleasant day – Sarah made a nice roast lunch and the kids enjoyed playing with little John. Reluctantly agreed that he can take his place at the centre besides Tony rather than at the edge where I would prefer him.

2005-03-24T14:28:00.000Z

Out getting eggs for R, C and G. Couldn’t help notice Britney Spears has a perfume out. Was tempted but don’t think Fiona would be too happy. Or Tony!! He prefers Christina Aguilera.

2005-03-23T09:20:00.000Z

Wish Piers Morgan would do us all a favour and just fuck off. Do people not remember why he got the boot? In the self publicising crap he writes for the Evening Standard he gloats over the fact that his drivel is at No 1 in the Amazon bestseller list whereas Peter Oborne’s biography of the great (thanks!) me is at 11,535. Hardly comparable is it you prat? His is a new edition, has had loads of fucking publicity thanks to the hypocritical Associated Newspapers, not cobbled together from a previous book and, I expect, half intelligent people are actually waiting for the authorised version of mine anyway.
God knows why the money grabbing ES let him take their “valuable” space when he could pay for a fucking advert. Like MH did last night I notice. Desperation?

Talking of God will be interesting to see what today’s papers make of Tony’s meeting with Faithspeak yesterday. No doubt my “we don’t do God” remark will be quoted ad nauseam.

2005-03-21T10:39:00.000Z

To anyone who caught that Politics programme yesterday I warn you to ignore the advice given by Derek Draper about tactical voting.
That wanker suggested voting Lib Dem or even Tory in marginal seats to try and get rid of Tony. For starters why the fuck would you want to get rid of Tony?
It would be a very dangerous idea to vote like that as the Tories could get in by the back door or even worse we could end up with Gordon Brown as PM. Do not think that the British people would be that stupid to heed someone like that’s advice anyway.

2005-03-19T18:42:00.000Z

Off to a party for Cherie and Tony’s wedding anniversary and Euan’s 21st. Don’t do many parties. Certainly don’t do weddings. But can make an exception for the Blairs. Bought Cherie flowers to make up for Tony’s lack of generosity.

2005-03-18T10:42:00.000Z

I have two words to say about last nights “The Government Inspector” – bollocks.
What a load of crap. Only good point I suppose was that I had the first word.

Apart from that it was nonsense. Would like to make it clear that I do not speak in that wanky middle class accent and Tony has never played the guitar over the phone to me. Was also not happy that they made me out to have lost the plot. In fact cannot actually be bothered to waste time to write about it any more.

And although they tried to make Dr Kelly out to be some saintly Indiana Jones type character I thought he had more of a look of Harold Shipman about him. Wish people would get their stupid heads round the fact that the world is a better place without the likes of Saddam Hussein.

Fiona did not watch it – she was at a governors meeting. Dealers are selling drugs outside Gospel Oak Primary School’s gates.

2005-03-17T23:02:00.000Z

Just back from Higham with Tony where he spoke at the village hall and visited a school etc. Went really well. Good to do these local visits and rely on local radio and press to cover the campaign rather than the nationals which are a total waste of time

2005-03-17T09:36:00.000Z

V good day yesterday. Have had a few problems with the puppy over the last couple of weeks but nothing that house training and keeping on a tight leash couldn’t sort.
Some would say nothing a good kick couldn’t sort but would not go that far unless absolutely necessary!!

GB did well in the budget too – should have the fucking Tories nicely on the back foot.

2005-03-16T10:10:00.000Z

Budget day today so v busy. However, release of letters yesterday through Freedom of Information Act has dragged up a load of old nonsense re the Queen Mother’s funeral. Step back and look at it without being clouded by all that Tory press spin and you will see that they were obviously mad that Tony was leading the country. And it was his right as head of State to be there up front with the funeral party. Just as they are now with the fact that he will be for a third term. Cannot be arsed to keep on going over old ground no matter how enthralling The Telegraph and co find it. Boris surely has enough problems of his own to deal with, the twat.

2005-03-15T11:12:00.000Z

Some of you may be disappointed that I don’t go into too much detail in these entries. Two reasons – a lot of stuff I deal with on a day to day basis is confidential and second, there is the issue of “my pension”. For those of you who aren’t aware I’ve been keeping a diary now for nearly eleven years and one day will publish it so that I can retire comfortably. Of course, I can’t do this till Tony has served his third term but that is where the detail is and I can assure you it will blow that clap trap that Morgan has been peddling right out of the water.

2005-03-14T09:46:00.000Z

Good to see that my old friend Karen Hughes has been appointed Undersecretary of State for Public diplomacy and Public Affairs. A long title, I know, that basically means managing the United States’ image abroad. She’s an excellent PR operative and I wish her all the best. Also good to see that Tony and George are keeping it in the family so to speak.

2005-03-10T13:43:00.000Z

Apologies for not posting over the past couple of days. Have been busy on stuff that it is not a good idea to broadcast over the internet quite yet and doing a lot of training! Have even turned up at Westminster in my tracksuit a couple of times which I’m not sure has gone down too well with the old brigade. Not that I care.

Saw the trailer for Channel 4’s The Government Inspector last night, a programme about the events surrounding Kelly’s death and the whole wanky BBC affair – it will be interesting to see how I am portrayed. Apparently I swagger about a lot shouting “Bollocks” and “What a load of shit”. Well it was so at least they got that right.

Was supposed to be speaking before the Parliamentary Press Gallery at lunch but regrettably had to cancel.

2005-03-05T09:49:00.000Z

Fucking Tories trying to take us on using the Margaret Dixon issue. OK it was tactically clever but they have been strategically bloody stupid - the twats should know that we are stronger in health and by doing this it will cause them no end of problems in the future. Which is good news for Tony of course.

2005-03-04T10:40:00.000Z

I see Private Eye have dragged up the old chestnut about my alleged time as a “Riviera Gigolo”. How many bloody times do I have to say it was my first job and it was made up. I do wish these bunch of wankers would stop being so tedious and write about current issues.

2005-03-03T09:42:00.000Z

Dinner at Murrayfield was a success. At least from the applause and laughter I presume Gavin Hastings and I spoke reasonably well! Best of all we raised a lot of money for Leukaemia Research.

For those of you who aren’t aware my best friend John Merritt and his little girl Ellie both died from the disease in 1992 and 1998 respectively. It touched me deeply and even today I often visit their grave in Highgate Cemetery when I need time to think.

I ran the London Marathon last year for the LRF and this year am in training for the London Triathalon. You can follow my progress and see lots of pictures of me looking hot and sweaty at my other site. But most importantly you can find out how to make a donation. And if you happen to see a middle aged man pounding the streets of North London perhaps you’ll be inspired to join me.

2005-03-02T13:03:00.000Z

Just back from a business breakfast at McGrigors. V busy day - will write more later if I have time.

2005-03-01T10:49:00.000Z

Re my entry yesterday: please do not think that I put Amanda in the same bracket as Morgan. Despite the fact that she was the Conservative Party’s Head of Media I have absolute respect for her. She helped me and treated me with dignity at a very difficult time in my life – something I have not forgotten.

Am off to Murrayfield to speak at a fundraising dinner in aid of Leukaemia research and the Riding for Disabled Association. Unfortunately will miss the crucial replay against Blackburn. No doubt about it - we will win.

2005-02-28T09:28:00.000Z

So that twat Piers Morgan has serialised his “secret” diaries in The Mail. (Apparently part of this blogging malarkey means linking to any site you reference but due to that paper’s lack of support – it knows when – I am not giving it the courtesy.)

Describes me as a bully and a boaster. Bully? I’ve been called worse so fuck off. Boaster? Hardly.

So I didn’t actually invent the phrase “People’s Princess” (I believe that honour goes to self-titled chav Julie Burchill) but it was certainly me who launched it into popular culture. Not boasting: fact.

And no, at the time the Royals didn’t have a clue what to do. They still haven’t got it right have they? Look at this farce of a wedding. They need me now like they did then.

As to the clutching of straws reference to Noel Gallagher – Tony had more important things to think about than whether some Manc twat had a drug problem. It was my job to brief him FFS.

And running the show? John Humphreys knew …

One more thing Piers: Tony and Cherie are still in No 10 whereas you are now fronting some crap Channel 4 show with Amanda Platell. Point fucking taken I hope.

2005-02-26T21:49:00.000Z

C-R-A-P. Burnley lost to Preston 1-0.

2005-02-23T10:00:00.000Z

I really, really dislike dogs, but Grace has persuaded us to get a King Charles spaniel. She's called him Molly but despite the fact that I go for a run almost every day on the Heath I will not be taking the dog with me - Fiona can do that.

2005-02-22T10:30:00.000Z

John Major has written a scathing article about Tony in The Daily Telegraph. Apparently Tony must accept responsibility for the "black arts" practised by people such as me.

FFS - coming from a man who was so boring the most famous story about him was how he tucked his shirts into his underpants. And even that was made up by me! Good thing nobody will take one bit of notice of this twat.

2005-02-21T20:43:00.000Z

Couple of weeks ago filmed an edition of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Ashamed to say Fiona and I cocked up badly. Went home with only £1000 after being stumped about who launched Skylab. Had absolutely no fucking idea and ended up guessing France. Not looking forward to it being screened one bit. (Think it is on this Sunday coming so be sure to miss it!!) Was also hoping to raise a lot more for Leukaemia Research, a charity close to my heart.

2005-02-18T13:17:00.000Z

Off to Clarence House to see the people in charge of Charles and Camilla's bloody wedding. Somebody needs to sort out the PR efforts that these guys are making so that it doesn't fuck up Tony's election. It already looks like we're going to have to move it and go for original idea of May 5th or possibly April 28th. The press need to be concentrating on that - not this wedding.

2005-02-15T17:15:00.000Z

Went for a jog through Kings Cross with my new iPod. Grace showed me how to set it up and use it. Amazing how the kids can pick up all this new technology so much faster than me. (No reference to Blackberry meant.)

2005-02-11T12:26:00.000Z

The Jewish Chronicle have published my interview about the flying pig posters. Again claimed full responsibility for them (will not have Tony shouldering any of the blame) and promised to be more careful in the future over sensitive issues. Hope the whole thing will go away and we can get down to the important stuff now.

2005-02-11T11:00:00.000Z

It's good to see that Michael Ancram (deputy leader of the Tories) is running scared already. He thinks that my involvement in Tony's election campaign is a sign of desperation. That's a fucking joke coming from them! Read his pathetic twaddle in the Hampstead and Highgate Express and then ask yourself who's the most desperate. They really haven't got a chance with twats like him.

2005-02-11T08:34:00.000Z

Another bloody big row brewing about the leak to The Evening Standard of Charles and Camilla’s wedding. Am frankly quite angry that I was not one of the fingers on Tony’s hand. Press Briefing this morning totally dominated by this issue and nuclear weapons in North Korea largely ignored. It's a bloody good thing I'm back in charge.

2005-02-09T13:55:00.000Z

Suggested Mr Straw use Newsnight emails to Labour's advantage by showing how forward looking we are in using cutting edge technology like Blackberry. Jack did as I suggested although had the audacity to suggest that Burnley supporters were technologically challenged. Twat.

2005-02-09T12:27:00.000Z

Regarding emails sent the other night. Everything blown out of all proportion. Peter Kilfoyle has said that I must stop this vendetta against the BBC. Apparently I lie awake at night thinking about how awful the corporation is. FFS, have better things to be doing than that. Like making sure Tony gets his third term in No 10 for starters.

2005-02-09T09:31:00.000Z

Neil Tweedie at The Telegraph has written an article about me entitled Alastair Campbell is back and this time it's personal. He's almost complimentary in it - although to describe me as "paranoid" is fucking out of order. However, I shall let it lie for the time being.

2005-02-08T19:52:00.000Z

Met Andrew Mitchell (Tory home affairs spokesman) for a drink in Westminster this afternoon. Some wanker of course had to suggest that we were discussing his defection to Labour. Should keep his fucking nose out of things that don't fucking concern him.

2005-02-07T19:44:00.000Z

Bollocks. Have realised that previous email did not go to Andrew McGuiness but Andrew McFayden at Newsnight instead. Should be OK - at least Jeremy will see the funny side. However, better email Andrew McFayden to point out mistake.

"Not very good at this e-mail Blackberry malarkey. Just looked at log of sent messages, have realised e-mail meant for colleagues at TBWA has gone to you. For the record, first three sentences of email spot on. No row between me and trevor.

"Posters done by them according to our brief. I dreamt up flying pigs. Pigs not great but okay in the circs of Tories promising tax cuts and spending rises with the same money. TBWA made production.

"Campbell swears shock. Final sentence of earlier e-mail probably a bit colourful and personal considering we have never actually met but I'm sure you share the same sense of humour as your star presenter Mr P.

"Never known such a silly fuss since the last silly fuss but there we go. Must look forward not back."

That should do it.

2005-02-07T19:32:00.000Z

Am furious after Newsnight questioned my role in the poster campaign controversy. Sent an email to Mr McFayden suggesting Trevor Beattie (head of TBWA) should issue a statement regarding the posters.

Email reads as follows:

"Just spoke to trev. think tbwa shd give statement to newsnight saying party and agency work together well and nobody here has spoken to standard. Posters done by by tbwa according to political brief. Now fuck off and cover something important you twats!"

2005-02-07T18:08:00.000Z

Visited Shrewsbury Sixth Form College in support of Mike Ion who is campaigning for a seat there. Completely unfazed by the fucking anti-war protesters who greeted me, one of whom even tried to throw an egg at me. Luckily for him it did not break until it hit the floor. Otherwise I might have punched his face in.

2005-02-07T09:37:00.000Z

Peter Mandelson did a good job on the Today programme, warning the BBC not to resume their demonisation of me. They need to leave me alone and concentrate on the important issues. Because we all know what happened before.

2005-02-05T19:04:00.000Z

Burnley lost to Leeds 1-0. Crap day all round.

2005-02-05T12:42:00.000Z

Oh FFS. The Tories are already accusing me of orchestrating a "dirty tricks" campaign in the run up to Tony's election. Using the Freedom of Information act thing to try and smear them when the tossers have done a perfectly good job of that themselves. We've only put in 20 requests compared to their 130 and finding out about the crap that happened before Black Wednesday seems perfectly legit to me. Ah, it's good to be back.